As I went out one morning
To breathe the air around Tom Paine's
I spied the fairest damsel
That ever did walk in chains.
I offer'd her my hand
She took me by the arm.
I knew that very instant
She meant to do me harm.

"Depart from me this moment"
I told her with my voice.
Said she "But I don't wish to"
Said I "But you have no choice."
"I beg you sir" she pleaded
From the corners of her mouth
"I will secretly accept you
And together we'll fly south."

Just then Tom Paine himself
Came running from across the field
Shouting at this lovely girl
And commanding her to yield.
And as she was letting go her grip
Up Tom Paine did run
"I'm sorry sir" he said to me
"I'm sorry for what she's done."